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There are actually still eleven remaining contestants as I write this, but there will only be ten soon enough. And now that I’ve actually seen everybody perform I am going to revise my rankings for Season 8. Let’s go from worst to first…

Michael is apparently really likable. At least that’s what every single judge says every single time he performs. Really, he’s just not very good. I think that everyone is in love with the idea of a big manly oil rig worker who is secretly this amazing singer with a tender soul. However, I expect that America will eventually realize that reality doesn’t match up with the fairy tale.

I will not be too surprised if Megan actually goes out tonight, one spot ahead of Michael. Yeah, she’s cute, but even her pretty face and badass arm-sleeve tat aren’t enough to keep me from fast forwarding through the rest of her performance once she starts doing that obnoxious hip-twist dance move. Oh, plus she’s the worst singer left in the competition. She might have been able to last a bit longer in the competition if she had some compelling personal quirk – well, other than constantly acting like a life-sized American Girl doll. Maybe if she were blind…

I admit it, I am cheering for this dude. Every time I see him trying to act calm while doing choreographed dance moves in the Results Shows’ group numbers my heart throws a tiny, cardiac fist in the air. Or maybe that’s just my inverted T-waves. Still, Scott either suffers from (or is blessed by) the same curse (or blessing) as Michael. Everyone cheers for the blind guy. We all desperately want Scott to be that mythical boy of our imaginations: his lack of sight giving heightened powers to his sense of hearing, thus transforming the poor handicapped child into a world class musical prodigy. True, from what I can tell Scott is a total wizard with the piano, but his voice just isn’t there. A few more weeks of out of tune piano ballads and America’s sympathy votes will dry up.

I have a lot of Indian friends so maybe I am rooting a bit harder than most for Anoop-a-loop. He can’t possibly win the competition, but I have to assume that this week’s performance bought him some time. He is miles ahead of the previously listed contestants in terms of vocals. Plus, Slumdog Millionaire was a really good movie. If he starts going Bollywood, though, Anoop will have to go.

I’m not exactly sure how the newly-added “Judge’s Save” could have helped Daughtry since he went out in 4th place and the save can only be used prior to the top five, but I have a weird feeling that Alexis might be the first contestant to need it. Her performance this week was rough, but she is good enough – and has enough potential – to deserve to stick around for a while. Hopefully she gets back to being a little badass and doesn’t keep trying to sing boring, girly ballads.

Honestly, I only give her credit for lasting this long because everyone else seems to have a giant boner for her. First off, she has a stupid name. A really stupid name. In a lot of ways her name encapsulates everything that is wrong with America and maybe even the world at large. Secondly, I don’t much care for her singing. It’s boring and average the majority of the time, but at some point during every song she starts to sing really loud. It seems to me that the louder she sings the louder the audience screams and the more the judges want to have sex with her. I don’t get it. Seriously, Lil Rounds flirts very closely with the hazy line between screaming and singing. If I wanted to listen to a completely self-indulgent girl scream at me I would just wait for Adam Lambert. Oh wait…

As weird as his sitar-based wailing exhibition was, I actually kind of liked it, if only because it was the most bizarre thing that I’ve seen all week. It wasn’t good, but it wasn’t bad. It was just… weird. You can’t argue with the fact that Adam can sing, though. Yes he has really douchy hair and wears really douchy makeup and really douchy clothes, but at least he can sing. I don’t love Adam the way Jim loves Adam, but I do enjoy watching him perform… if only for the perverted curiosity of discovering which previously beloved song he is going to molest each week.

It makes no difference – although I do enjoy gloating from time to time – but I compared Matt Giraud to Michael Buble during the show’s opening credits… more than an hour before Simon did. Anyways, Matt is my dark horse contestant for this season. He will probably go home much sooner than he deserves, but of all the contestants his is the CD that I would be most likely to buy (well… download, at least). He isn’t as flashy as Danny, or as teen heartthrob-y as Kris, or as angry punk rock-ish as Allison. Matt just quietly dominates. That will get him pretty far I hope, but unless he kicks up the charisma a bit more I don’t expect him to crack the top three. However, if he pulls a late season Elliot Yamin, you might see Matt in the finals.

Kris bugs the crap out of me. Apparently girls think he’s a dream, plus he can play the guitar… kinda. He’s a good singer too. But is anyone else seriously put off by the way he constantly sings out of only one side of his face. Does he have a nerve disorder? Did he have a mild stroke? Whatever it is I just want to punch the guy square in the mouth every time he sings. I’ve taken to focusing my eyes away from the TV during his songs, and if you don’t actually have to look at the guy his performances are generally pretty good. For the same reasons that the Twilight DVD will sell a hundred million copies, Kris is a total lock for the top four… and probably even higher.

True story, I was sitting on the toilet reading Entertainment Weekly today. The magazine had a little two-page spread about Idol and I was completely blown away to find that EW’s super secret, ultra-bold winner prediction was Danny Gokey. My god, I don’t know where the editors found such courage. Anyways, everybody loves Danny, myself included. I just don’t think he can win. The runaway favorite has only won American Idol once (Fantasia) and it was the most boring season of them all. Danny is a lock for the top three, but another eight weeks of love songs (implicitly or otherwise) dedicated to his dead wife and America will be put off just enough to bring Danny to the finals… only to hand the title to someone else.

Like I said before, for no reason in particular I just expect a girl to win this season… and Allison is far and away the best girl on the show. She deserves to be in the top three or four for sure, but because I expect Danny to lose I have to give Allison the win, if only by default. Her face and teeth bother me, but the chick can seriously wail. Some “serious pipes” as Randy Travis said. I won’t buy her CD, but I’d be happy to see her win.