I snuck out my fantasy football victory by the narrowest of margins, ending up with an exact tie in points but winning the tie-breaker. So yes, it would seem my luck has changed.

But it only seems that way.

On Monday morning my grandmother, my dad’s mom, suffered a massive stroke at her home in Michigan. She was taken to the hospital and placed on a ventilator but from the scattered information being sent my way it seems that there is little to no brain activity and a near-zero chance of any sort of recovery.

The vast majority of my extended family lives relatively close to one another in Michigan. And before moving to Illinois we did too. Since the move we have unavoidably been a little bit removed from the daily flow of information and personal interaction, and now that I’ve moved across the country I find myself even more detached from it all. It is difficult for me to keep up with even the happenings of my own parents and siblings let alone those of my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. I never even hear about most things, no doubt, and so it is understandable that my place on the emergency phone tree is more a footnote than a highlight. Still, it made for a very awkward and horrible phone call this afternoon.

Matt and I found a new apartment that we both really like – a discussion of my living situation can wait – but I had a question about a section on the housing application. My parents being natural pillars of worldly wisdom I of course turn to them in such situations. My mom didn’t answer her phone when I called so I immediately tried my dad’s. He picked up and I could tell that he was driving in his car – hardly unusual for him. Casual as can be I launched into a quick discussion of financial reporting, which to his credit my dad cleared up with ease. And then things went downhill.

“So did you talk to you mother today?”
“Nope.”
“How about your brother or sister?”
“Nope. What’s up?”

I felt like such an asshole when he told me. I mean, the news was obviously horrible, but what made it worse was that the reason he was in the car is that he was on his way to Michigan and the hospital. And when he saw that I was calling he just assumed that I already knew about the stroke and was calling to talk about it. Instead I went on a minor rant about credit cards and banks.

I could only manage an awkward “I’m sorry.” The emotion within me was raw and painful, but the only words that came to mind were, “That sucks.” Thankfully I don’t think I actually said them.

Even now I don’t know what to say. Maybe the only thing I got right was ending the conversation with, “I love you.”

An hour or so later I got an email from my mom telling me about my grandma. A few hours after that my sister sent me an instant message. News travels, but in this case I wish it had traveled just a tiny bit faster. Well, I wish it never needed to travel at all.

I obviously don’t blame anyone. There are far more important things to think and worry about right now than, “Did anyone tell Jason?” Moreover, there are far more important things to think and worry about than yesterday’s concerns over Reggie Bush and fantasy football records.

I will be jumping onto a plane in the next few days and making that horrible, eventual but always unexpected, trip home. Technically my grandma is still alive, but that will likely not be the case for too much longer. I am not a particularly religious person, but I know that many of you are. More importantly, my grandma is and was. And while I don’t share her steadfast conviction when it comes to God and Heaven, I can say without pause or reservation that right now I really, truly hope that I am wrong.

The next few days are going to be rough on my family, and the days after that too. If you have a moment to spare I hope you might consider sending your prayers, good thoughts, well wishes, or anything else of that sort in the direction of my grandmother, my dad, and the rest of our grieving family.

~ JoLou’s grandson