I am, as a general rule, a huge fan of interactive websites. I enjoy being able to use the internet to build a car and design a shoe regardless of whether I have any interest in actually buying one. In that spirit, yesterday I spent about two hours digging through DirectTVs website in an effort to construct what I imagined to be the ‘ultimate entertainment package’ to replace my thoroughly average digital cable service. This creative struggle was complicated by the existence of various deals and offers, not all of which were clearly advertised. While mixing and matching their offers I inadvertently discovered a relatively obscure inconsistency in their web ordering system that had potentially massive implications on my theoretical order. Not to be dissuaded, I called DirecTV’s customer support line and presented my dillemma. Unfortunately the lady to whom I was connected seemed to not even speak English. So I called again. This time the tech spoke my language but couldn’t answer my question. He then put me on the line directly with his supervisor, a seemingly nice man who was also unable to provide any answers. The supervisor then put me on hold and presumably called his supervisor. At some point along the chain of command a solution was discovered and the supervisor returned to the line and satisfied my curiosity. Having explained the situation he then offered to process my service order, to which I replied, “No thanks. I don’t actually want to order service. But have a great day.”

With this knowledge at hand I eventually managed to craft a theoretically ideal cable package that was both awesome and affordable. I pitched the idea to Matt. He quickly became excited for the prospect and at my urging ran over to our apartment complex’s main office to make sure that we were even allowed to put up a satellite dish. The office gave their permission but then casually reminded Matt that the dish would need to face south, a serious problem given that our apartment faces north. Oh well, it was a sweet dream while it lasted.

Unable to change cable providers but still anxious to improve our television situation, I called up Cox Communications (my digital provider) and devised a new plan. Disconnecting our cable box and first generation Tivo I drove across town to the Cox facility and managed to swap our average, regular-definition cable box for their latest and greatest, super-baller Hi-Definition DVR receiver. Knowing next to nothing about HD technology – I assume 1080i is better than 720p, though only because 1080 is to the right of 720 on the number line – it took about a half hour before I managed to make a picture appear on my set. But oh how highly defined that picture was.

Currently the HD channels come in great but the non-HD channels actually seem slightly worse than before. I figure that is probably due to a setting of some kind that I haven’t tweaked with either the receiver or tv. Does that sound familiar to any of you?

So far as I’m concerned the HD already paid for itself tonight when I was able to sit back and watch Jamie Gold’s douchebaggery in all its glorious billion-pixel finery. Unfortunately, between August’s final table and tonight’s broadcast, ESPN was seemingly unable to change the tournament results to have Allen Cunningham win the main event.