The lack of recent updates is due quite expectedly to the widespread outbreak of Christmas over the past few days. Both before and during the event itself I happened on more than one occasion to exclaim within my head, “Man, I should write a post about this.” And yet it was not to be. Christmas is the international symbol for peace and love, and in that spirit I couldn’t bring myself to verbalize the ridiculously embarrassing moments of my friends and family, many of whom read this site with frightening frequency. As my mom would surely have taught me, had web-logs or even plain blogs existed back in the day, “If you can’t post anything nice, don’t post anything at all.”

Two happy events did occur, though, upon which I shall graciously report. Although each event was harmless and somewhat amusing on its own, they ultimately combined to create a situation of such hopeless frustration that it’s no small wonder I survived to retell it.

First of all, my dad bought himself an Xbox for Christmas. Parents do that sort of thing. Personally I don’t look forward to the day when I buy myself something expensive, wrap it, and then address it to myself. At least he got what he wanted, though. So anyway, it was an Xbox. Not the newfangled, super-deluxe 360 – just a refurbished first generation box of X. The plan was to buy an old unit and then order and install a new hard drive and mod chip and go the way of a MAME machine. In my opinion, if you are going to have an Xbox, that’s the only acceptable reason. As a gift from his children he asked for nothing more than a few additional controllers. No big deal, right? Well come Christmas morning my dad opened his presents to find that there had been no coordination among us offspring and at day’s end he found himself in the possession of five different controllers. Fearing that might happen, I had also bought my dad the only other accessory acceptable to me: a subscription to Xbox Live. The next day I was informed that he didn’t really want/need that either.

For the second event, we turn our attention to the Far East. Yes, all the way to Baltimore. I spoke with Lukas over the phone to wish him a Merry Christmas and to relate one of those stories that I said I could not tell. Soon the conversation turned to gifts. Seeing as I am heading to Panama for two weeks Lukas decided to wait until I got back from my trip to buy my present. In that way he would be sure not to buy me something that I had already received. A well conceived plan to be sure. For my part I have always preferred practicality to surprise. I’d rather ask for something I want and get it than be surprised by something that I dislike. The next day I spoke with Lukas again and after giggling excitedly for a few minutes it was mutually decided that I should expect a shiny new copy of Animal Crossing when I get back from vacation. Once he ordered a copy of the game for me he was to immediately pick up a copy for himself. Through the dark arts of Wi-Fi we would then be able to play with one another; our physical locations be damned! Still, as intricate as our plan may have been, it was quickly to become even more… intricate-er. Lost in the exciting possibilities of my future animals and their future crossings I spent the better part of my workday convincing Matt to buy the game as well. As such endeavors usually result, I succeeded in increasing my desire far more than his. I called Lukas yet again to make a proposal – one that resounds with practicality, and yet screams of… stupidity, perhaps? Since he is planning on buying the game anyway, why don’t I just buy it for him as a Christmas present? He will still buy the game as a present for me, as well. And since we are both buying each other the same thing, why don’t we just buy it for ourselves? The process felt then, much as it does now, as an algebraic simplification of Christmas, but I don’t think any of you would be surprised by me in that respect. INTP, remember? Lukas, with his INTJ mastermind personality, is perhaps the only friend I have who would agree to such a deal.

And so it was that I found myself with both Xbox swag to return and Animal Crossings to buy. The returns proved easy enough. However, having returned all of my dad’s presents I was left with the daunting task of buying him presents anew. The idea came to me – as such ideas often do – to help solve his Xbox dilemma. His mod chip order has stalled and without the chip his unit is as useless as, well.. an Xbox. Without the mod chip he is forced to actually buy games, rather than download or copy them. Being the resident video game expert I thought I might be able to help. And while I was picking up some choice games for him I would grab an Animal Crossing for me. The crafting of a plan too often proves far easier than the execution.

Best Buy didn’t have any copies of Animal Crossing. Looking through their Xbox section (three times larger than their Nintendo section, of course) I was taken aback that they didn’t have any of the titles that I was searching for, either. Twenty different versions of Rainbow Six and Splinter Cell? Check. Even one copy of Crimson Skies or The Chronicles of Riddick?

Leaving empty handed, a unique experience in my Best Buy history, my next stop was GameStop. They too were out of Animal Crossing, although it was pretty funny to watch as a tiny Asian woman was informed that the PSP version of Animal Crossing is being released on Friday. She began jumping up and down while waving her hands in a fit of joy. I would probably have left the store but I noticed a sign that proclaimed that I would be given one free used game for every three games that I bought. Making my way over to the Xbox section (two full wall units while the DS occupies a single revolving floor display) I casually perused the selection. For me, this simple game hunt felt terribly uncomfortable. Ever since the launch of the system I have taken every opportunity to note how much I dislike the Xbox. Selling games at EB I was of course well aware which were ‘the good games’ on the system, but I was never enthusiastic in my sales pitch. Now, standing in the fortress of the enemy, choosing the precise manner in which I would sell my soul, I felt unclean. The only way it could have been worse would be if my dad required a game – let’s just say “software” – for his N-Gage.

Along with Crimson Skies and Chronicles of Riddick I also picked out Project Gotham Racing 2 and Tiger Woods 2005. The clerk informed me that a used copy of Crimson Skies only cost 5 dollars (what the…?) and so I went back to the shelf. There was no point in getting a five-dollar game for free so I picked up Soul Caliber 2, as well. Five solid choices, IMHO. As the clerk went to ring up my games he noticed that their copies of both Riddick and Soul Caliber were missing. Back to the shelf I went. I was quickly running out of options. Despite having an enormous game library, the Xbox has very few good games. And among those that I would consider good, several are games that I don’t imagine my dad playing. Though he might spend a dozen hours playing golf, I seriously doubt that he would ever sit down and play through Ninja Gaiden. In the end I fell back on two respectable, if not great, games: Halo 2 and Timesplitters: Future Perfect. I felt dirty asking for Halo. Still, at least I didn’t buy GTA. As for Timesplitters, although I never played the game I am a huge fan of Timesplitters 2. Future Perfect is one of those games that I always intended to buy when it was released, but never got around to it. My dad used to play a lot of Goldeneye back in the day, so I felt pretty good about the purchase. After more than an hour in the store I walked away with Crimson Skies, Tiger Woods, PGR2, Timesplitters, and Halo 2 – the collector’s edition, no doubt!

After Best Buy and GameStop I unsuccessfully checked both Walmart and Toys R Us for Animal Crossing. I can’t just wait for the stores to restock. Time is running out. I leave for Panama on Sunday, but with any luck I will find the game before then. Honestly though, everyone else’s Christmas spirit is making it seriously difficult to buy something for myself.