Mar 30
To me there is very little in this world that I find funnier than having a stereotype reinforced.
Matt, Bill, and I spent the afternoon at the movies. After appeasing Matt’s barely-contained homosexuality with the early showing of Failure to Launch, the three of us hopped next door to see the significantly better Inside Man. The theater was generally empty, perhaps a dozen people total, but it was our great luck that three of those dozen were a black family who occupied the row directly in front of us. That alone isn’t such a big deal; I see black people all over the place. As soon as the previews started, though, I knew we were in for a rough two hours.
“Ooooohhhh!! Dat movie looks hilarious!!” The fat black woman in front of us was tapping her husband on the arm while talking to the brink of shouting.
The lady began to comment on the movie from the opening credits, pointing at the screen and explaining herself in a laughably ridiculous black-cent. I generally try not to be an asshole, particularly a racist asshole. But the way I see it… she started it.
As soon as Denzel came onto the screen she made yet another obnoxious comment. Once she was done speaking I made an incredibly loud comment in her direction, throwing out my best impression of the traditional black woman’s:
MmmmmmmmmmHmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!
Naturally the three of us busted up laughing. It was funny, sure, but not five minutes later Denzel said something to a cop in the movie that sounded particularly badass. The fat woman in front of us instinctively responded with, and I’m not making this up:
MmmmmmmmmmHmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!
It was too much. We almost started crying from the laughter. Later on in the movie they showed a kid playing some ultra violent video game along the lines of GTA. The woman felt that cinematic moment was her cue to explain to the people in the audience that, “Now I wouldn’t let kids play dem games. Day’s too violent. Shoot. Look at all dat blood!”
It also didn’t help that she was clearly a novice when it came to following a movie’s plotline. As you might expect in a complicated heist movie the ending explains how the robbery happened and includes various twists, NONE of which the lady was able to understand.
(without giving away details of the movie)
“Now wait a minute! How’d he get dat thing in his pocket?! Wait… What…. OHHHHHH!!! IT WAS DA GUY!!”
She didn’t respond to my quiet requests for her silence so I was forced to a new tactic. After each of her randomly annoying comments I would passive-aggressively echo her sentiment using my best impression of her voice. Were you to hear my quips on their own you might think me a huge racist, but she’s the one with the ridiculous diction. It’s pronounced ‘ask’… aaassssssssskkkkkk. The S before the K. Not the X before the E. I don’t need anyone to axe me a question. I also don’t need MmmmHmmms and Ooooooh Childs every two minutes.
Leaving the theater I continued to speak in my Black Woman voice, constantly mocking her obnoxiousness from the time we left the theater to the time we reached the car. Bill later pointed out to me that we were walking directly behind two black people the entire time that I was speaking. Of course, situationally aware as always I had noticed that too. I simply didn’t care. I’m not going to play it cool every time I see someone who isn’t white. Moreover, I wasn’t making fun of the people in front of us; I was making fun of the woman in the theater. And if they find my comments racially offensive it can only be because they too speak like linguistic rejects and recognize my mocking voice and inflection as their own. I don’t make fun of black people for being black, that’s outright bigotry. However, I don’t see the shame in making fun of people for reinforcing a negative, but ridiculous stereotype – one that is only a stereotype because it is so ridiculous and socially negative. Black people talking at the movies. Black people who intentionally change the pronunciation of simple words, just to sound black. The ideas alone are laughable in my mind. The manifestation of those ideas is downright hilarious.
Or maybe I’m a gigantic racist.
In an act of Karmic retribution for this afternoon, I stepped on my iPod at the gym today and broke it. I managed to burn 550 cals on the eliptical before crushing the screen. One cal for every dollar I’m going to spend replacing it. Now that’s justice!
I’m not a racist, I own a color TV.
March 30th, 2006
you’re going burn in righteous fire for that
March 30th, 2006
You have to understand that culturally there is nothing wrong in theatres serving mostly black audiences to have such verbal participation. We used to get a kick out of watching movies in Detroit on the northside because of this. It was usually a running commentary by several folks and if you weren’t ready for it then you should have gone a few miles further north to the white suburbs to see the movie.
That being said, it sounds like your experience included some woman trying to make a scene just so it would raise your hackles. Guess what? She won….
March 30th, 2006
Green Valley isn’t exactly North Detroit. Aside from the three of us and the three of them, the rest of the audience (at both movies) was 50+ year old white people.
March 30th, 2006
Ever notice black people at college cafeterias? Super hilarious. They laugh louder than anyone I’ve ever seen. And they laugh for so long. The best is when they are in their chair, hear something I’m assuming isn’t even that funny, and the push off the table, skidding in their chair, across the cafeteria, laughing hysterically and stomping their feet. So funny. Please tell me someone else has noticed this.
March 30th, 2006
i dont know about in general, but there was definitely one girl in particular who would laugh so loud that everyone else in the cafeteria would stop and stare. And yeah, she was black. And yeah, it was pretty hilarious.
March 31st, 2006
Does all of this make you feel superior? Ridicule sucks. Where did you learn this? Not from your mother or grandmother.